Popular mommy blogger and author, Dawn Meehan shares laughs from her new book, You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and OTHER LIES about pregnancy and childbirth). DawnMeehan.com
You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and OTHER LIES about pregnancy & childbirth)
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On page 127 of 240 of Because I Said So, by Dawn Meehan
Oh yay! I got some great advice from a number of sources when I was trying to get pregnant. Now, mind you, I never did…but I never forgot the advice. First, get a doula. When I heard that word I was like…wah? What the heck is that? They aren't a midwife. If you don't have any close friends who have had a baby recently, or a mom who gave birth too long ago to be “current” and open minded, then a doula is a must. They support you, talk you through labor, give you all the little things you need that others usually forget in the heat of the moment. Plus they help with breast feeding and care of a newborn.
Don't even get me started on those women who told me, when I announced that we were adopting…”Oh no! How are you going to know what to do??” Like giving birth automatically infuses you with mystery parenting knowledge. Like the hormones and labor grant you some magical mystical MOTHER instinct. It doesn't. Don't worry if you feel stupid. Like you have NO CLUE what you are doing. That's normal. You can read all the books in the world, but until that baby is put in your arms and you realize how small and helpless they are and it's all up to YOU to take care of them from that moment on…it's overwhelming.
The best book I read during all the trying was “The Girlfriend's Guide…” series. The pregnancy book was funny and full of great advice. All the stuff the “other” books forget to mention. The First Year one was great too. There is also a Girlfriends Guide pregnancy calendar that is really great.
OK…once you've got your doula, the next great bit of advice is to take a birthing class. You'd be surprised how many women think “oh, I got this. I've watched a lot of cable.” or “just gimme the drugs.” Those drugs don't come as fast as you'd like them too. All that fancy breathing, visualization, self hypnosis…it all helps. That's what all my friends said.
Oh! Here's a good one from Tyler's birth-mom. If you are walking around the local Walmart and you've been having back pain all day and then you think you've wet yourself? You didn't. You are in labor, your water broke and you should go to the hospital. LOL! But seriously…
Don't be afraid to exercise. If you are in shape, you'll lose baby weight much faster later and your labor will be easier. I got that bit of advice from 3 different friends. All skinny bitches.
Yoga is GREAT while preggers. Helps you destress and stretch the muscles.
Oh! Here's a good one. They have these gauze pads – rather like disposable wash cloths – at the hospital. Snag a ton of those before you leave. They are great for giving baby a bath and a great sub for commercial baby wipes. Dampen one with warm water to clean baby's bum when it starts to look red. Before the rash. Even the extra gentle wipes can really sting. Plus they are freakin COLD to a baby.
Those “womb sound” generators? They really work! I had one that attached to where ever baby was sleeping. It vibrated too and had a nightlight. Best freakin thing ever! Oh and I love love love my video baby monitor. Mine is made by “Summer” and it's got night vision.
Dr. Brown bottles are a must, if you need to use formula to suppliment. They keep excess air from being sucked in by baby. Air=gas=colic=crying=no sleep for mama.
Speaking of sleeping…I am a co-sleep advocate. I had this cool device that made like a nest for baby in my bed (keeps baby safe from roll-over and SIDS). Trust me, especially if you breast feed, you want baby as close by as possible. Just roll over, grab baby, attach to breast and go back to sleep. LOL! I need my sleep. Really need it.
Diaper genie rules, if you go disposable. If you are a “green” mommy, get a diaper service. Washing poo out of cloth diapers gets old really fast.
Ah! Stuff that took me by surprise. Cradle cap and baby acne. No one tells you your newborn goes through this greasy teen-like stage. It's all the female hormones getting fed to baby during labor, apparently. Cradle cap is this greasy yet flakey scab that forms on baby's scalp. Get some olive oil, coat baby's head and put on one of those beanie hats from the hospital. After 20 minutes or so, use a baby comb to lift off the crud. Repeat as needed. Not much you can do for the acne except keep baby's face clean with warm water and those nifty gauze wash cloths. Don't try and pop those zits! Baby's skin is fragile and it will scar.
Oh…here's a good one. Boy baby and circumcision. Most hospitals just do it as a routine. But keep in mind, it isn't necessary! It's been disproved that circumcised boys have fewer infections. Really, it's a matter of esthetics. Women in this country are used to seeing circumcised men…but don't let routine make the decision for you. Baby DOES feel pain and circumcision isn't necessary. You decide. Then you get the fun of figuring out how to clean around baby's foreskin. Don't forceably retract it. Some boys, it's loose and easy to clean. Some it's tight and might be adhered to the head. It will loosen on it's own over time. By the time the kid is old enough to wash his own privates. So no worries.
Projectile poo and the pee pee fountain. Boys are fun. My husband used to call me the “diaper ninja”. You gotta be fast. Little peepee exposed to cool air = pee fountain. Be prepared. They outgrown it in couple months.
From all my breast feeding friends… don't think that process comes naturally. It can be really hard, at first. Just stick with it. Your doula can help and you can also get help from a lactation consultant from your local La Leche League. You save a TON of money on formula too. That stuff is EXPENSIVE! Breast is best. I still feel guilty over that one. :-/
And finally… if you are shy about strangers seeing you naked? You'll get over it fast during labor. Nothing like a hospital stay to strip you of all your inhibitions. So many people come parading in to look at your coochie. Don't sweat it. I did have a few girlfriends warn me to stay away from teaching hospitals tho.
Unless you WANT to attract a hot young intern. That's another story.
Because I Said So (Paperback) newly tagged "funny" –
You’ll Lose the Baby Weight: (And Other Lies about Pregnancy and Dawn Meehan[Nov 02, 2010] -
new kindle book: You’ll Lose the Baby Weight – by Dawn Meehan.
Dawn: BYUpchuck: Today we meet the pious Dawn Meehan. Dawn is a 41 year old English Professor at Brigham Young…
I feel your pain!